March 3, 2006 – 3 Adar 1, 5766, Parsha Teruma
Too
much pain in Aish Kodesh. ??
Queen Esther went through a long time at the palace; this was a painful
period for her, because she had to renounce her husband and her Jewish practices,
without knowing the reason why. There seems to be a parallel here between
Esther mourning the loss of her previous life, during which she felt abandoned,
and a mourner mourning the loss of a loved one during shiva. The first step
in this process is to let people sit down and feel their pain, and the second
step is to get them to get up and get on with their lives. Jews have an incredible
ability to keep their heads in extreme difficulties. This is Esther and the
aleph, one hand reaching to heaven and the other hand reaching to the earth,
connected by a vov. A vital step in this process is the Fast of Queen Esther,
which allows us to empty out and then allow simcha in the evening when Purim
begins. The Fast of Queen Esther begins at sunrise on Monday morning and ends
at the seudah at sundown Monday evening when Purim starts. The Rabbi urges
each of us to experience this fast.
During the Holocaust, Jews used a line from the Book of Esther which stated
that Haman wanted to kill every Jew. This was a secret way of revealing the
lie that Jews were being taken to work camps, and revealing the truth of the
death camps.
Our biggest hope is to turn all pain into birth pain. Pain, suffering and
depression isolate us; if we grab the paradox, pain can connect us. Esther’s
genius was in using her pain and suffering as a connection (when she asked
the Jewish community to fast and pray with and for her). She gave birth to
receiving the Torah (because although the Torah was given 1,000 years earlier
at Sinai, it was not received until Purim) and rebuilding the Temple (which
was accomplished by the son she had with the king). Rabbi Shapira used his
pain to give birth to the Aish Kodesh book which we are studying. The movie
director, Roman Polanski, was pushed under the wire fence of the death camp
when he was five years old; his parents were killed.
Empathy in Hebrew is rachamim. When we try to rescue someone with sympathy,
it’s a miscarriage.
This transformation was not a facile thing for the Aish Kodesh or for Queen
Esther. If someone says that this is the result of too much attachment to
the things in your world, they are trivializing it.
How this shows up in HaShem’s name:
Yod = a raindrop, water, Torah is water.
Kay = Moses, the receiving vessel – looking at the letter as a pictogram.
Vov = the connection between Moshe and Esther, the first letter of the parsha, “and.”
Kay = Esther – Malchut – kingship.
There
are two kinds of initiative:
1. Doing – masculine – rain coming down
2. 2. Receiving – feminine – water coming up.
It’s a mistake to believe that the only way to accomplish is to be a do-er.
How
do you keep faith in the face of pain?
The order expelling the Jews (in 1492?) was not removed from Barcelona until
1950.
Aish
Kodesh, page 286, Mishpatim
Elokim – nature and law are the same word, because nature abides by laws.
G*d allows pain because of free will. We can choose not to be depressed.
Each mitvah helps us expand our choices. All pain comes from tsimtsum, the
shattering of the vessels during Creation because they could not hold so much
light. Too much light means too much chessed (lovingkindess). Too much chessed
leads to murder. Gevura (strength) is the vessel. We have to create vessels.
That’s why we pray every day. The prayers stay the same, but we try to make
the receiving vessels (ourselves) stronger and brighter. Making prayer new
each day is like rekindling the spark of the marriage when the wife returns
from the mikva. The receiving vessel makes old things new.
You have to have a longing inside yourself in order to pray. That’s why
the rabbis used begging as a preparation for prayer.
Going to the ruin to pray – we can act consciously from our own internal
ruin, or we can act unconsciously from our own, internal ruin. We can use
our pain for longing to be close to G*d.
Pain can lead to a sense of entitlement.
The first part of the morning service talks about plowing ourselves. See
page 29 of the Art Scroll siddur.
Several people in our community have done a begging exercise, which includes
spending three days on the street with no credit cards, no I.D. It is designed
experiences that hit your blind spots. The Rabbi told a story about Reb Zusha,
how he showed up in a town as beggar and no one would take him in except one
very poor man. When he showed up later with a carriage and fine horses, the
rich man of the town issued an invitation. Reb Zusha sent him his horses and
carriage because that was what the rich man really wanted; he stayed with
the poor man who had hosted him when he was anonymous. Klee keebil, receiving
vessel.
“Jose” is pronounced “Yussi.”
Pain causes us to be self-centered. When a person gets frostbite, it’s because
the blood retreats to the core of the body to keep life systems functioning.
Rabbi Jose’s going to the ruin takes him out of his self-centeredness. This
is why he can hear G*d’s voice in the ruin.
Or we can resist change, like Lot’s wife.
Jewish exile (galute) is a model of change. Women are better at this because
they are attuned to the waxing and waning of the moon through their cycle.
Metatron, the angel who offered to cry for G*d, is the aspect of G*d’s power,
the do-it, fix-it energy. Metatron is an example of what not to do in a house
of shiva.
Esther means “I will hide.” Olam is The Place Where G*d Hides.
We’re encouraging the mourner to be selfish.
Crying is cleansing, and it’s critical to the grieving process. Women live
longer than men because they release fluids.
Binah is feminine intuition. Binah emerges from the womb space of the letter
kay. Good intuitive judgment that comes from bad mistakes. The whole Torah
is a binah training camp. Men (read here “male energy”) hide or fix their
mistakes. If Moses (or Joshua?) had been in Esther’s situation, he might have
been organizing the army.
“Open to inquiry, closed to comprehension.” Be in the question, enjoy the
confusion. Our G*d is inscrutable. You get close but you never get there.
Getting there is comprehension, control.
“Getting to” intimacy is more important than orgasm.
Recommended movies: Nowhere in Africa, Rosenstrassa, Out of the Ashes, Matchpoint.
What is the difference between proud Jews and chauvinist Jews? Proud Jews
overcome self-hatred, use Torah as a guiding light, an inner strength. Chauvinist
Jews are defensive.
Jews are a hidden treasure.
The yearning for the answer is more important than the answer. We’re seeking
G*d in the paradox.
Psalm 22:2 is enormously important. [Sounded to me like a morality story,
victimization. Anyone have any ideas about this?] \
Next week we will be studying Zuchar. Match up the six things G*d cries
over with the appropriate story.
The real meaning of exile is no Torah.
The real meaning of “home” is Torah.
We must feel the pain to do tchuva. You birth a new self out of your pain.
Mose’s G*d was a G*d who performed miracles, so he couldn’t do what Esther
did. G*d was hidden in Esther’s story; does not appear even once in the Megillah.
Birth is different from growth.
Cathect – when you identify with a material object, you’re blocked spiritually.
Going out of your way for somebody – going out of your tunnels – surpassing
your own personality.